Dear Charlotte,
(written 5/3/2012)
In a couple days you will be two and a half. When I look at you I see this little girl now. You're so grown up already. You dress yourself, go potty on your own, feed yourself, play with your friends, climb into your car seat by yourself and now want to buckle yourself in. And yet, you're still my baby girl, and still very much a baby. I have to fight the urge to treat you older than you are, because so often you act so much older. From very early on, if we just told you what to do, you'd have such a tough time accepting it; but if we explained it to you, you understood and obeyed willingly. I have to remember though that you're still very young and I pray often I don't burden you with responsibilities and knowledge that surpasses your age of understanding.(written 5/3/2012)
Sometimes I feel an ache so deep in my heart that I feel it will burst wide open with all the love I have for you, Charlotte. I so badly want the very best for you in all things. More than anything, I long for you to know our Lord and Savior and to know the deep and lasting peace of welcoming him into your heart. I pray that on your behalf every day. I see your sweet and sensitive nature and your desire to please us, and I pray that when the time comes, you ask him into your heart because it fills a longing like nothing else on this earth ever could, but not because you think it will please us. Oh yes, we will be pleased beyond recognition, more than you could ever know, but we want your faith to be yours, for you to own it and keep it deep deep inside where nothing could possibly penetrate it. We pray your faith will be so big that it will put ours to shame and you will share it proudly and openly with all who care to listen. I pray one day you will know the great joy of sharing that wonderful truth with your own children.
It was last week that I experienced one of the most memorable parenting moments. You and I have a game we play. When you're in the middle of something - whether it's playing with your toys in the bath, reading your books, or helping me in the kitchen - I'll call our your name and distract you from what you're doing so that you look up at me. When your eyes catch mine, I'll tell you, "I love you." It was a few months ago when I was playing this game with you when you were taking a bath. I called your name a few times and then when you finally looked up at me, you were the one to answer, "I love you." It was so very sweet, but part of me knew you only knew it as a game. Sure, I believe you understood there was an affection in it, but it was still just a game. Well, last week, when I was tucking you into bed, after the songs and the talks about the day and the cuddles, I looked at you in your eyes and told you, "I love you". You smiled sweetly, kept my gaze, and responded, "I love you too." I get tears in my eyes recounting the story, just as I did the moment it happened. You saw how happy I was, which made you smile every bigger. That day was one of my very best days.
One of the sweetest characteristics of yours is your sensitivity toward others. You can tell whenever I'm even the slightest bit upset. You'll come up to me, gently pat my arm and ask me, "You okay Mommy?" You ask the same thing to anyone you see get hurt, and even to Cy when he cries after being disciplined. To which I promptly reply, "Yes, Charlotte, he is FINE." I pray the Lord will use your sweet and sensitive nature to bless others in ways you never thought possible.
You are very active and would be outside at the park all day every day if we were able. You run and jump more than any other two year old I know. You slide down the slide, get to the end, stand up and jump off with all your might. You don't mind tumbling on the ground when you fall, but just get right up and brush off the dirt. I've had to learn to let you do your thing and climb and jump and take chances on your own. For your age, you've surprised me with your good judgment regarding these things and if you really aren't able to accomplish a task, you will ask for help and make good decisions. I do happen to never be more than a second away during these times though; but you'll never know it.
You also make friends very easily when we're at the park and we're usually not there more than five minutes before you've found a playmate to run around with. You love trains and bicycles and balls and get so excited when you have the chance to play with any of them. I guess that's the reason why you often play more often with other little boys your age than girls. I think we only have one baby doll in your toy box and I'm not sure you've played with it once. You LOVE Thomas the Tank Engine and know all the Thomas characters. A friend of ours babysat you the other day and when I came back to pick you up, she said we should really think about getting you some girlie undies. I told her that I've tried and we actually have a whole drawer full of Hello Kitty underwear, but you'll only wear the Thomas the Train undies. The only time you'll wear the girlie ones are when the Thomas undies are all dirty or if you've had an accident (very rare these days) and you're not allowed to wear Thomas until you're dry for a few days in a row. It is only then that you reluctantly wear the "other" undies. These are the little things I just love about you.
We have a fun game we play these days called "tickle time". When the time comes for your afternoon nap, I'll tell you that it's nap time and we need to get ready for sleep. That's when you tell me that it's not nap time, but rather, "tickle time". I then ask you, "What time is it? Nap time?", and you say, "Nooooo, it's tickle time!" Then I proceed to toss you on the bed and tickle you till you laugh so hard you can barely make a noise. We do this a few times and you just love it. The hard part is convincing you that you now need to sleep and tickle time is over. You don't normally enjoy being tickled, but you really love this game. I think it's because it's on your terms. You're pretty big about having things on your terms. You often need to be prepared of all the steps ahead and have a difficult time with quick changes.
Charlotte, you are such a fun little girl and such a delight in our lives. Sometimes I look at you and can't believe my eyes at what a big girl you're becoming. At night, after you've gone to sleep, I'll quietly come into your room, pull your covers up over you and just gaze at your sweet little face, asking the Lord to protect you and grow you into a woman after his own heart. I love you so much Charlotte. I pray I will do my best to raise you the way the Lord has called me to do so and that by His grace you would remember the good and forget everything else. I pray I would always be a safe place for you to come to share all the joys and challenges of life. I pray that even when things get hard, you will know much I love you and how very very special you are to me.
I love you Sweet Pea,
Mommy
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