Thursday, May 19, 2011

Overdue - Oh, the joy!

My due date was Sunday. This past Sunday. Yes, for those who are counting, that was four days ago. For a week now we've had days here and there where we thought maybe...just maybe...this could be it.....then, once again everything returns to a standstill. You see, Charlotte was 11 days late, so in some ways this is familiar ground. Although, both Pete and I thought this baby might come early. Maybe it was wishful thinking or maybe we thought since I've just about run out of every possible maternity top option in my closet at this point, this baby for sure is big enough and would most definitely be ready to make his/her appearance a little early. But, here I am....still pregnant.

Yes, it is frustrating. Yes, I do wish I could hold this little one in my arms right now rather than in my belly. Yes, there are moments when I honestly believe I will remain pregnant forever. But, I do have to say that through it all the Lord has given me an overwhelming peace about it all. This being our second child, the pregnancy is so entirely different than the first. With Charlotte, all I could focus on was every moment of her growing and changing and developing inside of me and the anticipation of finally meeting her face to face. But, with this one, my days are so preoccupied with caring for Charlotte that often times I start to forget I'm even pregnant. Crazy thought considering I have to carefully navigate my way through most doorways so I don't get stuck, but the feeling is still there at times. Because of this, it has taken much longer for me to "bond" with this baby than it did with Charlotte when she was in the womb. One of my biggest fears was that that bonding would never take place; that the baby would even be born without any excitement or joyful anticipation like I experienced the first time. I had to work through these feelings with the Lord and over the past few weeks and He has given me such peace and renewed excitement for this little one. If this baby were born even two weeks early, my heart would still not have been in the right place, in the place where I longed for it to be when going into labor. Labor and delivery is hard enough when you have that excitement rising up inside and joyful anticipation at meeting your little one, but a million times harder to endure, I'm sure, when those feelings aren't present. So, yes, it is challenging waiting for the impending birth, especially when you see that due date come and go and continue to fade over the horizon. But, through this time of waiting, I'm learning to wait the way the Lord calls us to wait, and to remember the joy that comes when we are obedient to Him and His perfect timing for our lives. I'm reminded of one of my favorite verses in the Bible, Psalm 130:5-6,

 5 I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits,
   and in his word I put my hope.
6 I wait for the Lord
   more than watchmen wait for the morning,
   more than watchmen wait for the morning.

So, I will continue to wait with that same anticipation that's present when we put all our hope in the Lord, with the expectation of his glory being revealed. 

I'm so excited to meet this little one. Now present are tears of joyful anticipation and much excitement at the thought of holding this little one in my arms at last. I will continue to wait for the Lord, more than watchmen wait for the morning.

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