My Birth Story

It's taken me a week and a half now after Charlotte's birth to find the time, energy, and to collect my thoughts enough to recall the events leading up to and including her birth. Still even now when I finally sit down to write the story, it's hard to know where to begin when now the memories that were so strong and powerful moments after her birth have faded into the sweetness I see when I look at her precious face. But it is a story worth remembering and I hope those who read about it will be able to take with them just a small piece of the blessing it was - a blessing that continue to grow for us with each day we share with her.

It was early morning of November 5th, eleven days past my due date, around 1am, that very mild contractions started about every 20 minutes. I slept through most of them until I started timing them around 4am. They were still steady at 20 minutes apart - very mild yet could still note a start and stop time - at 9am when we were ready to leave for an already scheduled appointment with the midwife. We called her up and asked her what we should do and she told us to come on in, that it would be a good time to check me out and see if there's any progress. On the way there Pete was almost sure that it would be the day we'd have the baby. As for me, I had been having contractions off and on throughout the week and I had been hopeful before, so I was trying not to get my hopes up this time only to get let down again.

At the appointment my midwife, Cecily, checked to see if I was at all dilated. She had checked me two other times already in the past two weeks and each time she couldn't tell because my cervix was posterior; this time was no different. The baby was at a +1 position though which told us that she was moving down in the birth canal a bit. She told us she thought the baby would be here soon, and to go ahead and go home and get some rest. All the way home I continued to have contractions every 20 minutes apart of equal intensity - mild to very moderate. We stopped by Big Lots on the way home to get a couple things and then headed home. Once at home, at around 11am, the contractions very quickly went from 20 minutes between contractions - mild intensity, to 10 to 5 to 3 minutes between contractions, lasting about a minute each - medium intensity. We called the midwife and doula and both told us to hang in there and labor at home as long as it felt comfortable, no need to rush to the hospital yet. I was eating my lunch (Top Ramen - still with the pregnancy cravings) and was just barely able to finish it between contractions. My doula, Michelle, said if you can smile for a picture it's not time to go to the hospital yet. I was still smiling, so I told her okay, and that we'd call back when I wasn't. Pete had to call her back not more than 15 minutes later, reporting no smile on my face and contractions lasting 90 seconds long and a two minute break between each one. He called her and our midwife, Cecily, and told them we're on our way to the hospital. The contractions strengthened in intensity on the way to the hospital and once we got out of the car, I had to stop on the sidewalk twice on the way into the building to have another contraction, hanging on Peter bear-hug style with each one. This soon became my favorite position to go through each contraction.

We got the the admission desk and there were a couple other women there who were staring at me like I was some sort of circus act as I experienced each contraction in the waiting area. Either they had never seen a woman in labor or else they were in that 20 minute apart stage of labor and freaking out at the thought of what their labor would look like in a few hours as they were witnessing live proof of it in me. We were given a whole stack of forms to fill out, and I'm sitting there in the waiting room having serious contractions, still 90 seconds long and one after the other, thinking there's no way I can concentrate on any forms but only on getting through the next contraction. I went to the desk and told her I preregistered and can't fill anything out right now. I think she saw the serious look in my eyes that told her she would soon be part of this circus act if she didn't let me skip through all the red tape. I asked her to flip to those where I had to sign and I just signed my name - I have no idea what I signed and at that point I really didn't care. At that point Cecily walked in and was there to help right away.

They then had me go across the hall to the triage area. I presume this is the area where they check most women out and see if they've progressed far enough to stay or if they need to go back home. Thankfully Cecily was there right away to meet us and help us through the process. They had me change into my nightgown and get up on the bed to strap in the baby monitors. They checked the heartbeat as I had a few more contractions and during one of them the rate was quite low. Cecily had me change positions and it quickened up right away. She checked me for dilation and my cervix, low and behold, was no longer in hiding, but already at a 5 and I was about 80% effaced, and +2 station.

It was now about 1:30pm and they finally had a room available in labor and delivery. They asked me if I could walk over there or needed to be wheeled in the bed. Seeing as how I couldn't move any more when a contraction hit, I told them to go ahead and wheel me over - on the way another huge one hit and I was glad I had that option. I got to the labor and delivery room and soon after that my water broke. I decided to labor standing up, as it felt much better than laying in bed. I hung onto Peter most of the time in a bear hug fashion. Cecily and Michelle suggested I try to sit in the bath and so I gave it a shot. It was a nice change to feel the warm water on me and helped me get to the next stage of labor a bit more easily. About this time I had a few contractions that came one after another with no break. I remember thinking, this one will be over soon and I'll get to rest, but then right at the peak, another peak followed. It was then that I had a moment where I thought I would lose all control but knew that wasn't an option. I realized there was no turning back now and I had to ride this out to the end. I tried to keep my rhythm going with the moans I made for each contraction - tried to keep my voice low and my muscles relaxed. The hardest thing I've ever done in my life, by far. I realized at this point why so many women get drugs, but at the same time the option of doing so never materialized in my mind to anything more than that realization. I wanted to experience the fullness of this birth, and that was exactly what I was doing. I knew with each contraction I was coming closer to the end and I knew it wouldn't last forever. I just kept telling myself, just be in the moment, have this one contraction and don't think of anything past it. I always prided myself on having run marathons and the stamina and strength it takes to do such a feat. My pride was demolished in the face of these contractions. I know now my marathon running self has nothing on all the women out there who have given birth naturally. It's a whole other league than anything I've been up against before.

After the water cooled a bit and I could feel myself shaking, I got up and went back to laboring by the bed. Cecily checked me again and found that I was 7cm dilated and 90% effaced. She checked in another hour or so, around 3:30pm and I was 9cm, and then fully dilated at around 4pm. She told me I could start pushing if I felt the urge. I felt the urge and had been told there was relief of sorts in the pushing stage and I was at the point where any relief I thought would be a great thing. It turns out that pushing hurt just as much as the contractions, but with it came an element of control that encouraged me to keep going. With the contractions, they just overtook me and didn't give me options for my response; with pushing, I could be an active participant and at least feel like I had a part in the process moving forward.

I tried pushing leaning over the side of the bed a few times with little success. Cecily suggested I try to sit up in bed and push there; I followed her suggestion and made a little progress there. I asked her if gravity would help if I stood up and squatted while I pushed, and she told me I could give it a try. I stood by the side of the bed and squatted down to the ground with each push and then Peter and Michelle helped me up to lean over the bed while I rested between pushes.

I was told that by this time I had been pushing for a little over an hour. I lost all track of time and if you asked me afterward, I might have told you I had only been pushing for a half hour or so. There were moments during this time where I wasn't sure all my effort was working to get little Charlotte out. Then, finally I could start to hear in Peter's voice the excitement as I got closer to the end. He was watching the whole thing and could see the progress of Charlotte's head crowning. Cecily asked me at one point toward the end if I wanted to reach down and feel the baby's head. I did and it was a good encouragement to know I was close to the end. I could feel the pain of her head crowning just kept thinking how true the "ring of fire" expression was that I had heard by so many women before me. For the final pushes I was so exhausted that I got down on all fours to gain the energy to bring our little baby into the world. With the last push, I gave everything I had and pushed out Charlotte's whole body - head, shoulders, body and all in one push. Charlotte came out with one hand on each side of her head, which I think probably made the process a bit more difficult. I can't remember ever wanting anything to happen as badly in my life as I wanted this little baby out at last. Along with the pain of that final push came a feeling of great relief as I felt her exit my body.

Once she was out, they took her to the station next to the bed to clean her off and make sure she was strong and healthy. I told Peter to go be with her while I caught my breath. I was still on my hands and knees and could barely breathe. I stayed there for a couple minutes while Michelle encouraged me to take some deep breaths and helped me relax enough to stand up. Michelle and the nurses helped me back to the bed to deliver the placenta and get stitched up. I remember Cecily asking me to give another couple pushes to deliver the placenta, and I guess I pushed because it came out, but I remember not feeling any muscle control remaining within me to push anymore. I was thankfully able to escape without an episiotomy, but did experience a bit of tearing due to her hands being next to her head when she came out.


Peter called out, "It's a Girl!" and announced her name, Charlotte Noella Smith. It made me so happy to hear him introduce her and I could hear him anxiously wanting the nurses to finish up so Charlotte could "be with her mother". I could hear him saying that she pooped right there at the baby station when they were cleaning her up. Healthy girl! They brought her to me as I was getting stitched up, which was a good distraction for me. She was brought to my chest, skin to skin, and immediately started breastfeeding. I knew very quickly that she'd do great, as she had quite a strong suckle from the start. A week and a half later now, she has turned out to be quite a good feeder.

They checked my blood pressure after we were both all cleaned up and together, and it was extremely high. So high that they needed it to come down a bit before they were able to bring me to my private post delivery room. I also couldn't stop shaking, which continued for the next day, I believe due to all the adrenaline that came from a fully unmedicated birth. It finally came down enough to move me to the post delivery room but never down to my pre-labor pressure I had that morning, even by the time I left the hospital.

I was glad I had the option to stay in the hospital for two days because I'm not sure I could have even made it out to the car before then. I'm not sure if it was from all the squatting during labor and pushing or from the tearing or all the muscles used I've never used before, but I was so sore it made it difficult to even change positions in bed, let alone get out of bed to go to the bathroom or pick up Charlotte. I had to have either Peter or a nurse hand Charlotte to me each time I had to feed her and to take her again when I had to go to the bathroom. I had always heard of my friends who had their babies naturally going home that day or soon after and never anticipated it being this difficult to recover. But, now a week and a half later, the pain from healing is virtually gone and thankfully the memories of that pain weaken with each passing day. I just remember that night after I had her and the following day, the distinct feeling of having undergone a major traumatic event. If someone had asked me that day if I wanted anymore children, I'm not sure I could have said yes. I thank the Lord those feelings fade, because if they didn't, no woman would ever have more than one child in her life, at least unmedicated. So, now a week and a half later, the pain having faded both physically and mentally, I can say with full confidence that yes, I definitely want more children. But, I won't complain if we wait six months before trying again.

There were so many answered prayers worth noting for this birth story. First and foremost, Charlotte came on her own and I didn't have to be induced. I was able to experience a fully unmedicated birth. I had her during the day rather than the middle of the night. I didn't have to have an episiotomy. It was a relatively quick and uncomplicated labor and delivery - the bulk of the process taking right around five hours. And, most importantly, the Lord gave us a beautiful, healthy baby girl at the end of it all. Praise the Lord indeed!