The Crying

[Victoria] I think one of the hardest parts of being a stay at home mom is the crying. Crying at nap time mainly. But, since Charlotte gets four naps a day, it ends up being a lot of crying. I know everyone has different perspectives on the whole "cry it out" thing. I believe ours is a bit of a balanced view, but we do allow her to put herself to sleep and if that means crying for ten minutes, we're okay with that. She does great during the day and is very active and playful during her play times, talking and smiling lots. But the crying is tough.

As a mother I'm home all day and its my job to decipher what the cry means. If it's a cry I need to respond to or just a cranky stubborn cry and how to handle it if I do respond. I find myself second guessing my decisions all day and wondering if that decision I made will have any lasting effect on her. As it turns out, if it is a loving decision, the only lasting effect it will have is a baby who knows they are loved and are pretty well adjusted - with the common minor quirks from a slightly neurotic mother.

In the midst of the crying and decision making, I find myself turning to the Lord more and more in prayer and to His Word. I was out for a walk yesterday and was taking that time to pray. I found myself thanking the Lord for Charlotte for a number of reasons, but the biggest one was that she is bringing me closer to the Him. Not because of the warm fuzzyness I get from her coos and smiles that makes me praise him - which, indeed I do. But, because of the hard times that cause me to call out for help to the only One I know can truly help me in my time of need. Because no two children are alike and no one parenting style fits every kid, the only One that knows how to handle my particular challenge perfectly is the One who knows me perfectly. I call out to Him when she cries, I call out to Him when she's not eating well, when I'm afraid my milk will stop coming in, when her schedule is all erratic and she won't sleep well, when I feel like I'm never going to feel normal again or get my prepregnancy body back (not talking weight here, but it seems like EVERYTHING inside is all twisted up and turned around now), when I work through all the relationship changes that take place after one has a child...I just know I can't do any of this without Him. I don't know how anyone can do it without him. We are told in John 10 that he is the good shepherd and those who believe in him are his sheep. He intimately knows, cares for, protects, and lays down his life for his sheep. He knows my challenges and knows me and knows specifically what I need to get through each one and he has never failed me. This is the truth I have to cling throughout my day. The truth I cling to in the midst of the crying.