Blessing in disguise....or is it?

In disguise, that is.

I was thinking about this on my way to the hospital today to go through the first part of a thyroid scan. I'll give a little background...Through various symptoms I ended up getting my blood tested for thyroid irregularities. The tests showed positive levels for hyperthyroidism. My endocrinologist thought it is more than likely postpartum thyroiditis due to the fact that I have no history of elevated thyroid levels, but wanted to do a more thorough scan to ensure it's not graves disease or goiter on my thyroid. The problem was that before the scan I have to take a radioactive iodine pill that illuminates my thyroid for the scan the next day. When you take the pill you can't breast feed for three days. The bigger problem is that Charlotte had yet to take a bottle before this week. So, after working with her for this past week and trying out about a gazillion (blogger thinks "gazillion" is a word because it didn't highlight it for spell checking - funny!) different nipples, she finally took a bottle from me.

At first thought of it all when I found out I had to take this test and knowing I couldn't breastfeed for three days, and how I've tried and failed to give Charlotte a bottle for months now, I was very discouraged and tried to find every way I could to get out of it. It turned out my doctor is very thorough and wouldn't go with my personally prescribed plan to treat it without knowing what it is, so she convinced me to go with the test and get a legit prognosis. So, I was looking ahead to today with much dread, worrying my little mind to pieces thinking of how awful these three days would be if she doesn't take the bottle, dreaming up the absolute worst case scenario - she won't eat for three whole days and will have to go to the hospital and be put on an IV and then she'll never nurse from me again.....yeah, those are the things that go through this neurotic mind of mine. Then it turned out with a bit of practice each day and the right nipple, she started to take the bottle. She even took it from me, after reading countless literature (ie. google searches) about how the baby won't take it from the mother, and all but giving up hope.

That brings us to today and me driving to the hospital to get radioactivated. I was thinking about how I had prayed all week about Charlotte taking a bottle from both me and Peter, and also for the end of the week when she can breastfeed again, that she would resume with little problem. I was thinking of how the Lord answers prayer. Not only did he answer prayer to get her to take a bottle from us, but he also answered another prayer of mine for Peter and I to get more time together. I had no idea he'd fuse the two together. It turns out that now with Charlotte taking a bottle, we now have more freedom to leave her with a sitter for more than the three hours I had before between feedings. We can actually go on a date and I can actually go off on my own - alone! - what a concept! I haven't been away from Charlotte for almost five months now, for more than a three hour span at a time. In the process I think I've lost a bit of myself. Granted, if I am away from her for even that long I end up missing her like crazy and don't know how I'd handle a whole day away, but that's not the point. The point is that the Lord has given me the freedom to do so and I praise him for that.

So, what I thought was going to be a huge burden ended up becoming a multi-part blessing. God is so good, all the time. He knows what I need more than I even do and he provides above and beyond what I could ever need in this lifetime. So often I feel like the disciples on the boat freaking out in the storm as the waves are crashing in all around them (Matthew 8:23-27). They go to the Lord, who is asleep in the boat, mind you, and asks them who have such little faith why they're so afraid. In a single word he calms the storm. Oh me of little faith indeed! How easily I doubt when he's there the whole time, so calm about what I see as a huge tragedy, that he's even sleeping. He knows there's nothing to worry about because he's right by my side the whole time. With the Lord in my boat, there's nothing to fear. He leaves no blessing in disguise.