The birth of a blog and a baby

This is my first attempt at blogging and I figured now is a good time to get going. I'm 34 weeks pregnant, and what better way to log all my late pregnancy/early parenting experiences. So, it's mainly for my benefit than for that of anyone else, because quite frankly, I don't anticipate a whole plethora of followers.

As far as pregnancy goes, this has been a very good one. Other than six weeks or so of nauseated hell - oh my goodness, I really wish I could throw up and I never want to throw up at any other time in my life all day every day for six weeks feeling - it has been wonderful. I've been enjoying each new stage and trimester and find it amazing the way the Lord orchestrates it all to experience the fullness of the blessing that it is. There were a few freak out moments though, such as the realization that there is no "undoing" this - not that I would have EVER wanted to, it was just the idea that I couldn't. It was a feeling of complete lack of control and I just had to work through it. Once I did, allow myself to work through it and not ignore it or try to get around it, I felt so much more accepting of what IS. I remember at the beginning feeling like time was moving so slowly, and all the anxieties of the first trimester - not knowing if what I was feeling - this tinge or that cramp - was normal and just praying all was going okay. Then slowly getting through that stage and accepting the small changes and adjustments as they come. I have to say it is such a blessing that the whole process takes nine months, because if I just woke up one day like this, I think I would completely lose my mind. Now, the latest is the fact that none of my shoes, other than those blessed flip flops, fit my ever swelling feet. But, with all those changes and adjustments, I have to say I truly am enjoying every moment. I absolutely love each moment I get a new kick or movement or sweeping feeling of some limb or another across my belly. The miracle that this little one is amazes me every single day. The fact that it has grown out of something that was microscopic to this little being that breathes and beats and kicks and moves and has been perfectly created by the Lord - it is so amazing to me. As much as I can't wait to see this little face, I wouldn't want to miss one moment of this time in my life. Just as the birth is made for a specific time and purpose, each week leading up to it is just as special. I am so thankful to the Lord for such a blessing and for loving us in such a way that we can share in his creation in this way.

I don't know if it's the pregnancy or just where we are in our lives and marriage and walk with the Lord, but something special has happened these past nine months in my marriage as well. My heart has swelled for my husband so much. I am so thankful to the Lord each day for giving me such a loving, compassionate, considerate husband. I am so grateful we don't have to DO anything to deserve the Lord's love, that he just gives it freely to his children because that's just who he is, because I know there's nothing I could ever do to deserve such a wonderful partner in my life. He amazed me during those six weeks of nausea when I couldn't step foot into the kitchen, let alone smell anything stronger than tap water without wanting to puke. He never once complained or balked about not getting a home cooked meal, even though he endured night after night of frozen pizza and chicken nuggets. (For those of you who don't know me, I do LOVE to cook for my husband and do it most nights of the week - it is a blessing to me to know I can provide that gift for him each day and a blessing to him to be able to just come home and relax to a home cooked meal.) I think during that time it was even harder for me not to be able to give it to him than it was for him not getting it (after all, he didn't have to eat as many veggies for six weeks or so :). He pitched in even more than usual (which is a LOT) with housework or groceries when I've been just too worn out to do anything at all. He readily rubs my feet, back, or hips the moment I mention they are hurting without ever complaining or even me having to ask him twice. He's endured many a hormone filled break-down, sitting with me and lovingly listening to my concerns without interrupting or trying to "fix" it, as desperately as I know he wanted to, but just loving me and gently helping me through it by being there for me with a big hug and a listening ear. I just think of all these things and so much more and I know I not only have a wonderful husband, but that he'll be a fantastic father to our children. I can't wait to see him with them and know how much he'll love them and encourage them, with the same godly leadership he shows in our marriage, throughout their lives.

We still have much to do to prepare for this little life to join ours, but as much as we cannot possibly get everything done in the physical sense to prepare, we also can't possibly ever be prepared enough emotionally or spiritually to be ready for all that comes with this new little life. I am left to trust the Lord and all the prayers for so many years now that I've lifted up to him regarding our children and our role as parents for our future family. In Him I am lacking nothing. In Him I find my strength and peace. In Him I will get through sleepless nights and feedings. In Him I will learn patience, compassion, selflessness, and self control. In Him I will learn to be more like Christ every day through this new adventure. I love my Lord and I am so thankful for all the ways he leads me.