The Polygraph Lies?

I, Pete, have been in the process of applying to the Dallas Police Department. On Monday I passed the Civil Service exam and did pre-polygraph paperwork. Yesterday I passed the physical test (sit ups, push ups, 300m dash, and 1.5 mile run) in the rain. I then proceeded to the place that administers the polygraph test.

The polygraph is an interesting thing. Before being hooked up to its censors you basically tell all. It's like the world's fastest date for men. For women it is probably comparable to your OB GYN. For guys, the "cough test" isn't so bad. Telling all, on the other hand, is probably much more revealing to us. We love our reputation. Am I wrong? I told that paperwork stuff even my mom doesn't know. The Polygraph should be renamed "The fastest date on earth."

All the polygraph does, in my opinion, is sense any electrical impulse that may or may not occur after your "yes" or "no" response to the examiner's question which is assumed to be either normal or not normal reaction to your answer. You sit completely still (at least the chair was comfortable). You stare straight ahead or close your eyes. I stared straight ahead and my vision began to blur. You also get all the questions asked to you twice. Plus you are tested twice each time what the sensors sense and what the examiner himself/herself detects.

I, for one, was probably too honest with my pre-polygraph paperwork. Better to be as up front as possible. I'm not trying to hide anything nor do I have anything really of concern to hide. Tell all or else fail by even thinking about anything you remember during the test. Clear conscious as best as possible. One part that was pretty easy to fill out on the pre-polygraph information forms is the drug use section. I have never even tried drugs. Pretty remarkable and unbelievable in today's world I imagine... and was already questioned about it at the Dallas Police Department. It just isn't believable. But it is true. I have never even tried pot. I always wanted to be a baseball player growing up and didn't want to mess up the chances. I'm not here to brag about this but it is pertinent to the polygraph story.

So I do the polygraph exam. All it tries to indicate is if you've been honest or lied on your answers. You either pass or fail. The examiner passed me. After the exam he says, "Were there any questions that bothered you more than others?" I said, "No... maybe the one about my work history... I just had to swallow on that question both times... not sure why." He responded, "Any other questions." "Nope." "Well, one of the two times I asked you about drugs something was indicated." I quipped, "I don't remember it bothering me. I never tried drugs since I always wanted to be a baseball player growing up." The examiner still was unsure of what happened after I answered. He asked if I had any family members who had done drugs. I said I did and that ended the conversation. I actually remember thinking during the test after responding, "I hope they believe me because it seems so unbelievable that someone has never done drugs."

It is strange what a polygraph can or can't achieve. If you think about it, it wasn't there my whole life watching me. It probably never even touched Baltimore, MD or Dubuque, IA. All it could do was notice any reactions after the responses I gave to the questions I was asked... and it squeezed my arm. Although, now that I think of it, there has been someone who has seen all I've done and knows if the polygraph results are true or not.

P.S. Hopefully I get into the Police Dept so I can bring more adventures to this blog.